Why is it that the closer I get to God, the weaker I start to feel? I cry more, laugh more, feel more. It’s almost like my senses were blocked before and now they are all new and being used. I just don’t know if I like it.
I’m the type of person that does not like to show my emotions in front of anyone. When I cry, I go somewhere alone and cry my eyes out. When I’m done, I wash my face, put on a smile and keep it pushing.
But today ya’ll, I cried at work. It was so overwhelming all day because everyone will not carry their own weight, it was so bad I had to pray on my lunch break. When I started expressing my stress of the day to my co worker, my eyes started watering before I knew it. I’m like nooooooo!
The closer I get to God, the more weak I feel, but I don’t necessarily think my vulnerability is a weakness. I feel that I am starting to feel safe again. I feel feminine again. I feel safe to show my emotions because the God that I serve is always with me. He’s changing my heart and breaking down the walls that were built up over all of these years.
I’ve been in isolation for so long I feel that God is showing me that it is okay for me to actually need people. I walked through my life with the mentality that I don’t need anything from anyone. Mathew 18: 20 says where two or three gather in God’s name, He is among them. Community is important. So, I’m learning to be a good friend I have to give access.
I have like two friends now that I am an adult because I don’t get out much. So, I’m starting with stepping outside and getting to know people. I want to have Godly friends. I want friends I can pray with and at the same time laugh and enjoy life with.
I’m believing for that and until then, I’ll be the friend I want to have. This week, I challenge you to write some qualities you’re looking for in a friend to have. Once you have those written down, circle the qualities you have and work on the ones you haven’t yet mastered.
Bible Brat 
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